And Because He Still Makes Me Laugh

heidi nick

Yesterday I wrote about surviving our crazy move last week, and it was only last night as we were sitting down, relaxing in our new living room, that it occurred to me that I had given only two reasons why our marital union survived the stress of it all:

1.) Our sexual chemistry

2.) Nick’s patience with me

Hmm, I didn’t give any credit to my own survival skills or any personal growth or resilience, our mutual love and devotion to our child, or our enduring love of over 22 years together.

A love that has survived the “normal,” multiple and ever changing stresses of marriage, parenting and life, world disasters, health problems and surgeries, family cancers and suicide, the cruel tides of show business and by far the biggest deal, our baby’s potentially fatal and terrifying health crisis that went on for years and is still not 100% over, although we are grateful and beyond lucky to be mostly out of the woods at this time.

I mentioned this to my husband who replied:

*Bad word coming up if you’re sensitive to that kinda thing.* Continue reading

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I Moved! A List

horses utah mountains

One: Blog posts I’ve written since moving house (this one!). Because I no longer have a writing desk, nor a functional brain.

Two: Number of Marie Callender’s chicken pot pies I’ve eaten this week. In the restaurant, not from frozen.

Three: Number of cream pie pieces I ate this week with real whipped cream, ditto.

Four: Number of white spiky Brown Widow spider eggs I found at our last house before we moved.

They’re poisonous spiders and One! is the number of live ones I smashed to bits with a home made hammer in front of my little boy the very day we moved, on an outdoor chaise lounge, lest he be bitten by it and poisoned.

I hope our ex-landlady is having fun with living with the spiderlings (Hundreds of spider babies! A real word. Yay!) Continue reading

Posted in Fumbling Towards Ecstacy | Leave a comment

A White Gold and Platinum Lining

lavender rose wedding bands

We’re moving in two days from a house I love and am saying goodbye to.

One thing I’ve loved about living here are the flowers, I enjoy photographing the roses, especially after a dewy night or a rain.

The tiny water droplets on that petal satin is magical.

pink yellow rose wedding bands

When I got married, four days after 9/11, I was given two wedding eternity bands by my betrothed.

white roses wedding band

One was white gold and one set in platinum, but they look the same.

I wore them one on top of my engagement ring, an emerald cut antique diamond with tiny baguettes on the sides, and one on bottom, so stacked on my ring finger with the engagement ring in between.

Some people call that a ring guard, a utilitarian way of explaining why I wanted two wedding bands, not one (more sparkly!).

I’m a simple creature, in the end.

Packing an entire house to move is a huge physical chore and to me, it feels like I’m in a war. I keep thinking things to myself like “This will be over soon,” “This, too, shall pass” and “Be a soldier!”

I don’t mean to say that it’s the same as being in an actual war, it’s more like a war within myself. I’m digging up so many bones of my past lives, deciding what to discard and keep.

What is meaningful and what is trash. But it’s all pieces of our lives, pieces of me.

It’s also heightened by the fact that we lived here during my son’s scoliosis casts and many medical trips and we just went on one again this week, in the middle of packing, it’s all mixed in together in my heart and mind and cellular woman matter.

Each piece I pack or discard reveals a memory, some painful, some beautiful lost times that will never return, some I would rather forget, and it’s all washing over me so fast without time to therapeutically process it, ya know?

New doors and windows will open in our new place and life will blossom again. But part of me thinks it would be easier to DIE than move ever again.

Maybe I’m being dramatic. I’m doing it, I’m juggling it, I’m hanging on with a lot of balls flying in the air.

But lo! A bright spot appeared from the murk, an upside: Two or gosh, three years ago, I hid my own wedding bands somewhere in this house and plum forgot where I put them.

I probably hid them from some worker who was a stranger to me who came in to work on the house on day, I’m not sure, I’m paranoid because we’ve had home invasions on our block.

I wasn’t wearing them at the time due to *cough* weight gain (they didn’t fit) and so I didn’t miss them for a few weeks or months.

Long story short, when I really wanted to find them, it was impossible. In due time, or with haste, I blamed my husband, Nick.

Nick must have hid them for me, I must have asked him to, and now he can’t remember where he put them! Gah.

He must have early onset dementia, obviously, I guess I’ll have to take care of him. *sighs*

No. Both he and I searched many times for the rings, high and low, low and high, to no avail.

I would give up for a while, then try again, turning up nothing but dust bunnies, discarded sex toys and boogers.

In moving, we were donating some old baby and toddler stuff (Not the sex toys, you want them? Kidding.) Continue reading

Posted in A Giggle, Crazy Story, Fumbling Towards Ecstacy, Funny Story, Loss and Change, Mommy Mistake, Sometimes it's the Little Things | 2 Comments

Skinny Turkey Avocado Cream Cheese Wrap!

turkey avocado cream cheese wrap

I’m very busy this week and need some quick foods, so here is an idea I came up with for an easy, yummy wrap/roll-up.

I just mixed/mashed up a couple of slices of ripe avocado with two tablespoons of light whipped cream cheese and used it as a spread.

It would be wonderful as a dip, too.

Season it with a little salt or garlic salt if ya like, maybe hot sauce if you’re in the mood.

I put it on an organic whole wheat olive oil tortilla (I like to warm the tortilla in a non stick pan first) with some good sliced deli turkey, some diced sun dried tomatoes (I use the kind not packed in oil) and fresh chopped green onions.

Roll it, slice it and enjoy.

It was around 400 calories, less than 450- creamy and delish.


~ h

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Way To Grow, Bexon!

bexon scoliosis x rays nov 2014

We’re back from Shriners in Salt Lake City with good news, Bexon is in his new skull design (yikes from Mommy) Mehta/EDF brace and his lower curve went down 5 degrees from the last “in brace” X-ray!

His slight upper curve is about the same, around 13 degrees, but his lower curve went from 17.7 to 12.7 in six months.

Over five years into this journey and starting from 63 degrees, we’ll VERY gratefully say way to grow, Bex! We love our medical team and doc, love them so.

Bex’s doctor, who we think is the best in the world, Dr. Jacques D’Astous at Shriner’s Hospital for Children in Salt Lake City, reminds me not to focus on numbers.

I know he’s right, because it is about my child’s overall health, wellness and quality of life, but…

Getting lower numbers, when it comes to Progressive Infantile Scoliosis, is always cause for unbridled joy.


I have a much bigger story to tell you about our trip (we only flew home a few hours ago today), but this much, I wanted to shout from the rooftops.

Thank for for following Bexon’s Story, reading and caring about our boy. Spread the word to help another child. <3


~ Heidi

Posted in Bexon, Burst of Joy and/or Happiness, Health is Wealth, Scoliosis | Leave a comment

On The Same Ocean, In The Same Night

ocean lost quote


~ H

Posted in Fumbling Towards Ecstacy, Inspirational Quotes | Leave a comment

Salt Lake City- Bexon’s Story Final Trip?

inshriners hospital statue heidi ferrer bexon

Hi. We’re in Salt Lake City, Utah on a medical trip and four days after we return to L.A., we have to move.

I can’t think too much about the fact that this could be our last trip here, potentially. It’s too big.

We are over five years into this medical journey. Over Five. Years.

If you’re new to Bexon’s Story, start here.

Bex is getting a new night time Mehta cast style brace and our doc said it may be his last one, depending on his X-ray results tomorrow and after 6 months of wearing it.

I promise I’ll be able to (hopefully, mostly) stop complaining about what a nightmare moving is soon, and get back to posting some new yummy recipes.

Last Sunday morning I was both packing up our house and packing my bags for this trip.

I may have felt a little, err, scattered that day. “That day” meaning for the past month.

*Checks self into mental ward* Continue reading

Posted in Bexon, Fumbling Towards Ecstacy, Scoliosis | Leave a comment