In honor of Mother’s Day, which should be every day because moms deserve it, here are fifteen:
Funny Mom Quotations
-that will make you laugh and two that might make you cry:
1.) “Nobody loves me but my mother. And she could be jivin’ too.”
~ B.B. King
2.) “My mother never breast fed me; she told me she only liked me as a friend.”
~ Rodney Dangerfield
3.) “I asked mom if I was a gifted child. She said they certainly wouldn’t have paid for me.”
~ Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes (Bill Watterson)
4.) “Neurotics build castles in the air; psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.”
~ Rita Rudner
5.) “A suburban mother’s role is to deliver her children obstetrically once, and by car ever after.”
~ Peter De Vries
5.) My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-b*itch.
~ Jack Nicholson
6.) “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”
~ Phyllis Diller
7.) “The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.”
~ Calvin Trillin
8.) If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
~ Milton Berle
9.) “My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.”
~ Rita Rudner
10.) “The hand that rocks the cradle usually is attached to someone who isn’t getting enough sleep.”
~ John Fiebig
11.) Raising a kid is part joy and part guerilla warfare.
~ Ed Asner
12.) A Harvard Medical School study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby’s temperature. Plus, it really teaches the baby who’s boss.
~ Tina Fey
13.) (From a prayer for her daughter): “…And should she choose to be a mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.”
~ Tina Fey (from “Bossypants“)
14.) “A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.”
~ Tenneva Jordan
15.) “My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven’t met yet. She’s now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia.”
~ Dame Edna Everage
And two touching ones…
“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.”
“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”
~ Elizabeth Stone
Wahhhh! *Sniff* Call your mother this weekend.
And here’s to the Mommy angels in Heaven. I know you’re still watching over my friends and your grandbabies.