This story may be the:
Worst Flight Ever
I had a stressful day yesterday what with dealing with being robbed and everything. So later in the day I went for a therapeutic walk and talk on the phone with my sister. She gave me a good laugh.
My sister Laura was packing in her hotel room to take a red eye flight last night, from a business trip in Seattle back to her home and two kids in NYC. (Actually they have one of those big loft apartments in Brooklyn, now. Yes, I am jealous.)
She reminded me of her worst flight ever: Once Laura was sitting in coach in the middle seat. On one side of her was a man who was drinking quite a lot of the sauce, the hooch, the firewater if you will. (By the way, RIP Betty Ford. A class act.)
I think this very drunk man may have even brought his own bottles from home and snuck it on the plane, as this was pre the no liquids policy after the shoe bomber moron who looked like Big Bird.
Thanks a lot for all of us having to take off our shoes in security, including my kid, you a** hat clown.
So this drunk man was on one side of her and on the other side of her was an older kooky lady wearing a big floppy hat who kept saying “This is my first time flying.”
The lady with the floppy hat kept talking incessantly until the flight attendants offered beverages (this did not happen on Southwest Airlines).
The lady ordered a glass of white wine, drank half of it, then poured the rest back in the little bottle and asked for her money back. Then she proceeded to pretend vomit in the airplane vomit bag for the rest of the flight. Always a crowd pleaser.
My sister said the woman huffed and retched for hours, but nothing ever came out. Meanwhile the drunk man passed out and urinated through his pants and on to the seat next to Laura.
So the moral of this story is don’t ever fly on a plane where you’re seated next to David Hasselhoff.
I’m KIDDING! It wasn’t him. Don’t hassle the Hoff.
But seewee-ously folks, can anybody top this nightmare flying story? I want to hear about your worst flight ever, was it traveling with a screaming baby or a crying wriggly toddler with inhuman volume and range?
Leave it in the comments! I need a laugh or a good cry.