Funny Flight Story

Airplane Flying

Southwest has nice flight attendants.

This story may be the:

Worst Flight Ever

I had a stressful day yesterday what with dealing with being robbed and everything. So later in the day I went for a therapeutic walk and talk on the phone with my sister. She gave me a good laugh.

My sister Laura was packing in her hotel room to take a red eye flight last night, from a business trip in Seattle back to her home and two kids in NYC. (Actually they have one of those big loft apartments in Brooklyn, now. Yes, I am jealous.)

She reminded me of her worst flight ever: Once Laura was sitting in coach in the middle seat. On one side of her was a man who was drinking quite a lot of the sauce, the hooch, the firewater if you will. (By the way, RIP Betty Ford. A class act.)

I think this very drunk man may have even brought his own bottles from home and snuck it on the plane, as this was pre the no liquids policy after the shoe bomber moron who looked like Big Bird.

Thanks a lot for all of us having to take off our shoes in security, including my kid, you a** hat clown.

So this drunk man was on one side of her and on the other side of her was an older kooky lady wearing a big floppy hat who kept saying “This is my first time flying.”

The lady with the floppy hat kept talking incessantly until the flight attendants offered beverages (this did not happen on Southwest Airlines).

The lady ordered a glass of white wine, drank half of it, then poured the rest back in the little bottle and asked for her money back. Then she proceeded to pretend vomit in the airplane vomit bag for the rest of the flight. Always a crowd pleaser.

My sister said the woman huffed and retched for hours, but nothing ever came out. Meanwhile the drunk man passed out and urinated through his pants and on to the seat next to Laura.

So the moral of this story is don’t ever fly on a plane where you’re seated next to David Hasselhoff.

I’m KIDDING! It wasn’t him. Don’t hassle the Hoff.

But seewee-ously folks, can anybody top this nightmare flying story? I want to hear about your worst flight ever, was it traveling with a screaming baby or a crying wriggly toddler with inhuman volume and range?

Leave it in the comments! I need a laugh or a good cry.

Heidi FerrerXOXO-

~ Heidi

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2 Responses to Funny Flight Story

  1. Melody says:

    Oh, when you issued this challenge and I read it, I had to go all in. Right before I turned 20, I began working for an airline. I had a friend who also had flying privileges, thanks to his dad (a pilot for another airline), so we decided to meet up in San Francisco for a few days for my birthday. It was my first flight flying standby and I went on a different airline than the one I worked for. After a layover in Memphis, I was seated next to this big grubby hillbilly-ish guy in a white undershirts and overalls. Stunning. Thank God there was a seat between us. I put on my headphones, pulled out a magazine, and made friends with the window, hoping to avoid him. But his many rum and cokes, sans the cokes, turned him quite chatty and a little flirty (barf!). I continued to try to avoid him as well as I could. Eventually, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed movement. The movement, which has scarred me forever, was his hand reaching down into his overalls to give himself some, ahem, “pleasure”. I was mortified! I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t think I had a right to complain- after all, this was a free ride. Needless to say, when I met my friend at the gate, I was nearly in tears recounting my horror to him. In retrospect, I should have buzzed the flight attendant immediately, and requested a new seat, while explaining about Mr Touchy McFeely there. His butt would have been escorted off the plane by SFO’s finest.

  2. Heidi Ferrer says:

    Oh no! I want to arrest him myself right now. That is just so wrong.

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