Bex gets a hug from one of his best friends, M.
This week, there was an incident in my four year old son Bexon’s Pre-K and he was crying inconsolably. It wasn’t the teacher’s fault, Bex was being naughty and acting out, he’s spirited.
But the fact remains that no matter what, the law says his teachers cannot hug my child to console him.
In fact, they are legally not supposed to touch him at all. No gentle pat on the back. No helping him on and off with his pants to use the potty with the other kids, which is difficult for my boy, because he wears a scoliosis brace and it’s hard to bend and pull his own pants all the way back up.
But this is not just about children with special concerns or needs. I want the teachers to be able to touch my child when it’s the right thing to do. I DON’T CARE what the law says.
What have we come to as a paranoid nation if our crying small children cannot be held and comforted when we as parents are not there to hold them ourselves?
You know I am not talking about pedophiles. Note to pedophiles: Any person who brought my child serious emotional or physical harm will be killed, by me. I would cut off your balls and make you eat them. And you don’t want to meet my husband.
If my precious son were to die by someone’s hands, I would die anyway, so I would hunt you down. I would never, ever stop, I would find you. I would be the Terminator.
So that said. Most teachers are not pedophiles, for God’s sake! All my son’s teachers are sweet women who care about him. And still, we are considering changing his school because of this strict policy.
Bex doesn’t want to go back to his school where this happened on Monday. By the way, he was suspended on Tuesday for one day. Suspended from preschool! He’s four.
But when one teacher finally held him on her lap (against the rules), he stopped crying and was immediately fine. This teacher used to work in another country, where they always held the children, she tells us. (I’ll never say the names of the schools or the teachers here, they are all wonderful to Bexon. It’s the rules that suck.)
He’s asked us to change him back to his old school, which is less convenient for us as parents, but we will do it if it’s better for our child.
Now we found out both schools want him, they said it wasn’t the same without his energy in the class yesterday. Of course it wasn’t! He is a handful sometimes, but he’s an amazing, smart, funny, charismatic child.
Am I alone on this, on wanting my kid to be hugged at school in some circumstances? What do you think?
Love,
~ Heidi
I agree 100%. My boys will be 4 in 2 weeks. I do not want them crying with no comfort. I don’t even see how a human being could look at my crying kid and not stroke his hair or hug him or hold him on their lap.
We live in Europe now and touching is fine. Because the teachers are just teachers. Seriously. I’m glad my boys have loving instructors who are firm when needed but loving when I can’t be there to console.
http://www.TalkingisMyPrimaryFunction.wordpress.com
I’m so glad it’s that way in Europe where you are! It’s the way it should be.
I hear you. The preschool that my son goes to is completely opposite of this, and I love it for just that reason! I have walked in to his classroom and witnessed a teacher firmly hugging (also kind of restraining) a child who was obviously having some temper issues, she was completely unashamed and just looked up and said “He’s having a rough day today.” I am glad to know that my son would get the same treatment. He has some bathroom issues, and it’s not unusual for his teachers to help him wipe his bottom if needed. This is what they should be doing!
It makes me tremendously sad that teachers (who, by nature, love children) are not allowed to express that and give physical contact when needed. I hope you can find a way to sort this out, I totally understand why it’s a huge issue for you!
http://www.woahcecilia2.blogspot.com
The school where Bex was going has no bathroom near the classroom. So the kids have to ask to go and wait in line, there are 30 kids! Imagine if it’s raining, because they have to walk outside to get there.
It’s not a good set up for the teachers or the kids. And I couldn’t agree more, sometimes they do need help with a wipe at 3 or 4 years old. It’s just…normal.
All schools have a “no touching” rule, at least in California, but frequently it’s misinterpreted. Working in special ed for so many years, it’s impossible to NOT touch those kids. I had to toilet, change, hold firmly, hold gently, guide hands, help dress, pick up, hold down, and respectfully and responsibly restrain. I’ve never worked in a school environment where kids were not hugged, not allowed to sit on laps, not had their hands held… never.
I, along with everyone I worked with, had been specially trained in compassionate restraint (CPI). Dealing with children with autism requires a LOT of touching. And as I worked specifically in inclusion in the preschool/elementary level, I can assure you that if your child had needed a hug or help pulling up his pants, I would have helped him. And so would most people. So I don’t understand this AT ALL. Does Bex have an IEP? Because if he does (or if one is being written/worked on) you can have that added… that he WILL be assisted after using the bathroom.
And shame on his teachers for not consoling him with a hug… or shame on the district for not allowing it.
http://www.deathbycupcakes01.blogspot.com
P.S.
I would send him to the school that makes him happy and shows him love. Period. Poor baby.
And suspending a 4 year old????????????????? I have never heard of such a thing. What a completely useless and counter-productive consequence.
http://www.deathbycupcakes01.blogspot.com
Right on, Mama!!!
You are absolutely right in your desires. As human beings, we need comfort and usually the only way that is expressed for children is by touch. In my opinion, it is not HUMANE to refrain from any touch at all, especially when it can be monitored so that it is not inappropriate. How frustrating this must be!
http://www.thebrightyellowballoon.blogspot.com
Jo,
I think we’ve fully decided to send him to the other school and maybe send him to this current one 1-2 days and week and see how that works out. The further school is closed Fridays, so maybe Fridays we can stay at the current one, if they’ll let us do it that way. I agree, as along as there’s always someone else in the room, it should be no problem to allow human contact- they’re children and they need love and comfort.
This really upsets me, Heidi. The thought of Bex crying (he’s not a crybaby so there must have been a good reason) and no one comforting him is infuriating. What’s wrong with everyone? That’s not ok. Please give him a kiss AND A HUG for me!
Sheila, I know, thank you. We already changed his school. Mommy instincts.