I’m in Mama Bear mode, y’all. And I need your help.
Breathe, breathe…okay, this morning I was dropping my five year old precious angel Bexon off at Kindergarten and as we were walking across the playground to join his class, Bex ran ahead of me.
I was watching him lovingly, he was wearing one of my favorite shirts of his, a bright blue Thomas the Train shirt, and my eyes were focused on his little blue back, nearly cured of scoliosis, as I saw another boy his age run up behind him and SHOVE my child for no reason.
Lots of other kids were darting across the campus to class, and at first I thought it was just a friendly shove, a way of saying “hello.” I tried to excuse it in my mind.
Bex didn’t fall, he stumbled and looked back and to his left, seeing a boy he clearly knows. My son didn’t push or fight back at all. Then the boy did it again. AND AGAIN. It all happened very fast, three times. Of course he didn’t know Bex’s mom was watching.
Now my radar was fully on, this boy was clearly picking on my kid! Then it hit me, a boy I’ll call M has already been in trouble for pushing Bex down two days in a row at recess, once Bex even got a cut on his side from it.
Last week, when I asked Bex about his day at school, he mentioned that M had been “benched” in other words, reprimanded and pulled out of play, for pushing Bex again.
Bex said it was because M “wanted the ball” that the pushing happened last week, but I can’t ignore the evidence that it is the SAME BOY who keeps coming up in this possible bullying conversation.
What’s weird is this morning M’s mother was with him, also walking a ways behind her child like I was. I couldn’t tell if she saw the pushing or not. She leaned in to tell her son something before she left, I don’t know if it was about that. She looks like a nice person, but I don’t know her.
She left and the two boys were standing next to each other in the schoolyard for a moment, so I walked up to Bex and asked softly “What is this boy’s name?” and Bex looked nervous and whispered “M” so that’s when I put two and two together that it was the same kid who pushed him before. GASP!
Then I couldn’t help myself, I leaned over to M and softly said “Don’t push Bexon.” The kid just looked at me. I said it nicely, I don’t know if it had any impact.
Now the plot thickens, because we got an email Birthday invitation for a boy who may be (probably is) the same M! I don’t know if I should make a big deal out of this before a birthday party, I don’t want Bex to be treated badly by the other kids at the party because his Mommy “meddled.”
Is this just boys will be boys? Should I intervene or let him fight his own battles at age 5? I’m taking a poll, and I would really appreciate your input!
Just click on one of these three choices and also feel free to include any additional thoughts or advice in the comments section. Thank you! This is my first time adding a poll to my blog, so I hope this works 
XOXO-
~ Heidi
Ask Bex if he wants to go to this boys birthday party. If he says yes, then get “L” a book on bullying. Also, if the boys could become friends then maybe the pushing will stop.
Thank you, I did ask Bex after school today if he wants to go to the party and he said “yes.” Maybe the best thing is to go and observe…
Heidi, this makes me so mad. The mom was standing there and didn’t do anything?? What is wrong with people? First of all, I would have said something to the child like you did. AND also, approached the mom as well. Also, tell the teacher. When you call to RSVP about the party(which he should NOT go to btw, do not spend one penny on that horrible child), tell the mother that her son has been bullying your son and you need him to stop. Good luck girl. Keep us posted..
Thank you, Joan! Bullying really gets me riled up. I don’t want him to be afraid to go to school. He loves school. I’m debating if I should just keep asking questions and keeping a close eye, so I can watch how Bex is treated at the party, he told me today he wants to go…either way, I will be contacting the teacher and maybe the mom, too, I want to be careful not to embarrass Bex, you know?
BTW, you do NOT want Bex to be friends with this kid. He obviously has issues
Something must be going on, I want to give little kids the benefit of the doubt…like maybe he’s insecure and it makes him feel powerful, but he’s not a meanie, he just needs to be steered towards the light. The good side, I mean, you get it.
Hi Heidi,
I usually just lurk but today I have to comment. I would talk to the boy’s Mom, after drop off. Very non confrontational, some people get very defensive and just tell her that Bex loves playing with her son but lately they don’t seem to be getting along as well and ask if she’s noticed anything or if her son has said anything. If she’s noticed, brainstorm together how to help the boys, if she hasn’t point out that the teacher has noticed. If you don’t get anywhere talking to her then it’s time to talk to Bex about what is ok and what is not. Tell him to make it clear to the other boy that he will not play with him if he continues to push. After you address it with the other mom you have to help Bex stand up for himself because next time you might not be there to see and he might not let you know.
I know this is long but bullying is horrible. Some parents are starting anti bullying groups and having older kids come in and talk to the younger ones about not bullying and how to stick up for each other if necessary. You can usually find teenagers at a local middle or high school who are opposed to bullying who would be happy to help the kids come up with a way to stop bullying before it gets started.
Search the net, find some age appropriate activities and talk to the teacher about incorporating them. Make sure you are ready to help. Kindergarten is the time to get these little guys and help them grow up proud and strong. It’s like the pebble in the pond, one little ripple can spread through the whole school. Talk with the administration, come up with a slogan, and make it visible. It seems there are more kids bullied than there are bullies and they will band together with a little guidance.
I’ll shut up now, hope these ideas help.
http://www.thebubblebathqueen.com
Carol,
I love love love love your ideas! Thank you for this comment, it’s inspiring to think that I could help, outside of just helping Bex. I’m going to look into whether they have any anti-bullying lessons in Kindergarten and offer to come in, I don’t know if I’ll get shut down, but all we can do is try, right?
I have a few causes in life and one of them is this. It kills me when I hear of a precious child or teenager going through torture at the hands of other kids- also with words and now the internet, of course. I don’t want to over react OR under react, just to not let it grow and fester, if that’s what this is. In no way do I want to demonize the other boy, but I know how life long damage can run deep from this kind of thing.
There is an opportunity to come in and read the class a book this month, I’m going to look for one on this topic!
Here’s my input:
1) Email the teacher again. Also cc the principal and the superintendent. Ask them to get back to you and let you know specifically what their plan is to deal with the situation.
2) I don’t know if you should contact L’s mom. Not yet, anyway. I think it would be hard to not get her immediately on the defensive. And if you don’t know her at all, who knows what she would say to her kid after you talked to her. But it’s also possible that she’s totally clueless… I think you should ask the school to contact the mom and then request that they follow up with you to fill you in on that conversation.
3) Maybe you could invite L over to YOUR house for a playdate. Then you’d have control of the variables and get a better idea of the root of the problems. Maybe if the mom came over too, you could get feel for if she’s clueless, or if she’s bad news. Same with the kid.
Just some thoughts. Someone messing with your kid is the worst, but you’ll get it straightened out
http://not-your-average-mom.com
Thank you, Susan. I have the same concerns about approaching the parent directly, that’s why I didn’t do it yesterday. People can be very defensive. My other concern was whether contacting the Principal would make the teacher uncomfortable, like going over her head before telling her first?
I know we’ll get this worked out soon and I’ll keep you posted!
All of the poll options are too polite. You just saw a boy assault your son! Repeatedly! When you don’t have proof, thats when you email the teacher. But today, when you pick up your son, you go right into the principal’s office and demand to know how they are going to keep your son safe at school. And make a big noise, it’s justified!
Also, don’t worry about embarrassing him. At this age, he needs to see that you are his protector. He needs to feel safe and to know that if anyone hurts him, Mom is going to be there to do something about it. He’s not old enough to fight his own battles, leave that for the teen years.
I really appreciate that. You’re right, I did see this with my own eyes. I’m going to see if I can talk to the mom of L today after drop off.
Ok… So I voted email the teacher, but I think you should have a conference with the teacher. If the teacher does nothing, I would talk to the mom. In a friendly manner of course. She probably has no clue that her “sweet little L” is even doing that.
Possibly go as far as to explain Bex’s almost perfectly fixed back and the fact that her son keeps pushing and knocking him down is not helping. Yeah? Nicely?
If that doesn’t work and she is rude (which I am guessing she won’t be) we can all just send her horrific emails
Yeah? Oh… that’s not nice? Well, we will just use that as a last resort 
Chin up Momma, You’re doing it right!
http://serenefranklin.blogspot.com
I like the idea of having a posse behind Bexon!
I’m about to update with a new post right now…you’re right, telling his story does not hurt, he’s already been through so much. More than most adults ever will.
This is awful Heidi! I’m glad to see you on top of it and trying to work through it in a manner that will keep the peace and hopefully be a teaching moment for this mean boy.
I hope in your quest to protect your baby, “L” gets the help he needs to treat others with love and respect.
I saw your update after this, I’ll be keeping an eye out to see how it all ends up.
Good luck and good job being involved!
http://www.curvybaby.com
Thanks you, Jamie, it seems ok for now…the teacher has promised to stay on top of it and so will I, as you know- Mama Bear roars.
I voted the yes option but also…
I’m a teacher, a special education teacher at the high school level for a very long time. I’m a mom of 3 sons who are now young adults. I’ve seen lots of bullying and dealt with lots of bullying issues, that said. Approach the mom with a calm attitude, aggressivness in the situation is likely to be counter-productive to your purpose. If you are not comfortable or confident in doing so ask your hubby to do so, if you think he will do better. If neither of you think you can handle it talk to the teacher or a school administrator. If you do the administrator, please don’t somehow blame the teacher. Bullying is really a complex issue. I think bullying between boys is different than if it is between girls. If it involves a boy and a girl that is also a different issue. Not that the bullying is any less serious, just different. Now chill, at 5 years old I think it can and should be dealt with without long lasting affects. Your mama bear is is in protect mode. I like and appreciat mama bear, it just doesn’t alway help human mamas.
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