Jagged little pill.
Confession: I used to be addicted to Ambien, the prescription sleeping pill medication. Maybe I wasn’t physically addicted to it, but I was psychologically- basically, I thought that I needed it to sleep and I was afraid of running out of it- afraid I might not sleep and then feel horrible the next day.
Sleep disorders are really common and I’ve always thought of myself as having one- I traditionally have trouble falling asleep, but I’m a heavy sleeper who sleeps right through minor earthquakes that wake normal sleepers up. I took Ambien for several years, some of that time I didn’t take it every night, but I slept better just knowing it was there if I needed it.
It was my friend.
It’s worth mentioning that I was drinking a lot of alcohol during this period, which is probably why I needed the Ambien in the first place. Alcohol is known to disturb your sleep, and I would wake up thirsty for water in the middle of the night (dehydrated) and take half an Ambien to put me right back to sleep.
I loved the feeling of knowing it would relax me, and sometimes I even took it a little before sleep time because I enjoyed the relaxing effect. This was ok, it was after my son was asleep-except at least once I ended up falling asleep on my computer desk because I didn’t make it to the bed in time. That scared me.
I didn’t abuse Ambien like I did alcohol, meaning I generally didn’t take more than prescribed, but God knows that I’m lucky I didn’t O.D. on a night when I had too many drinks and then popped a sleeping pill on top of it! For that reason, I consider myself lucky to be alive and realize I’m probably living on borrowed time, with all of the foolish (potentially deadly) risks I took in the past.
You might be wondering how did motherhood fit in all this? Well, my husband is a very light sleeper and wakes up at the slightest noise, so that was probably (it was) enabling for me.
I know people who’ve Ambien shopped (bought things on the Internet under the influence of sleeping pills that they didn’t remember buying), and even people who hallucinated on it. If you hallucinate on a drug, I would suggest you never take it again. Some people I know have drank wine and then took and Ambien and crashed their car in a blackout- terrifying.
The reason I’m writing this is in case it can help anyone else out there currently “addicted” to this drug, because I can tell you it was not hard at all for me to get off of it. When I went to rehab in Malibu last year, they took my Ambien away, then gave me Valium for only two days of alcohol detox, and I was fine.
No withdrawals at all like I had feared! And this is coming from a person who had hideous Lexapro withdrawals. At first I probably only slept about 5-6 hours a night without it, but it was enough, because my body didn’t have to process all of that alcohol anymore.
I still take two natural things for sleep that don’t give me a “high” at all, I take Valerian root by Nature’s Way that I buy at Whole Foods and I take melatonin, which Dr. Oz recommends. They work really well, and I have no guilt about taking them nightly.
If Ambien works for you, cool, but you don’t have to keep swallowing down that jagged little pill if you feel worried about its addictive qualities. If I can get off it, with my wildly addictive personality, anybody can. I sleep like a baby when I have a clear conscience.
XOXO-
~ Heidi
did you catch this when it aired? http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11726645/ns/health-mental_health/t/driving-under-influence-sleeping-pills/ SCARY.
http://www.monica-adayinthelife.blogspot.com
26.5 million Ambien prescriptions filled in the U.S. last year! Wow. I think it can be safe when used properly, as long as you don’t have a crazy reaction (or drink with it.)
You’re awesome, Heidi-girl, and brave! Bravo, my dear, for acknowledging and facing your problems, then going on to heal yourself through healing others. Sending you lots of love and support.
Jen in Georgia
Thank you, Jen!
Hey Heidi,
It’s interesting you bring this up…. I am recovering for 25 years now, my addiction mainly was alcohol, but whatever helped me to feel better, I indulged in. I have come to to the realization, for the most part any mood-altering chemicals aren’t good for me, although, I have taken pain meds for major surgeries when dispensed by a doctor who knows my history and understands addiction. So, a few years ago when I hit a really rough patch and emotional bottom in my life, I too wasn’t sleeping, but thought ambien and other prescribed meds were not an option. I began to use Tylenol PM… every night… soon, it didn’t work to take two… I began to take three and four… every night… For about two years! I came to know, for me, it wasn’t about whether something was medically addictive, it was about using my old addictive behaviors, and stuff (relationships, food, overwork) to get through the day or night, or…. It took awhile to sleep normally again, but I now am like you… I sleep through tornadoes! I guess, maybe it was a result of picking up the Steps of my program to clear what had started to accumulate again, worry, fear, lack, control. Sorry for being so windy… This just hit a hot button for me. I am sure there are many people who do need something for sleep. I just became psychologically dependent on thinking I did and it didn’t matter it was prescribed or not. I have used Melatonin too for travel, etc. and feel okay about that.
http://www.examiningmyunexaminedlife.blogspot.com
Hey Rebecca,
I hear you, it can creep up on you when you’re taking something. Then the guilt follows and that is the worst! I thought quitting Ambien would mean I wouldn’t sleep and I would suffer- I hate to suffer- but it turns out that managing my thinking is what helps me sleep better than anything.
Luckily I have been scared away from the Ambien. I have seen my friend “sleep drive” to mcdonalds and then crash her car into her fence at home and my mother mysteriously receives packages that she doesn’t remember ordering. (ambien shopping)
That right there was enough to keep me from using it.
Super scary!
http://www.sober_mom.livejournal.com
Oh wow, I never Ambien shopped but my old friend did- how crazy is that?
It takes a strong person to admit to the world you had a addiction. I have been so scared of drug addictions my self. I was on so many narcotics 2 years ago because of my crohn’s disease. At that time it was the least of my doctors worry. When most people think of drug addictions they think of a person sitting around the house useless and wanting their next fix. But it can be totally opposite. I know people addicted and work 40 hour wk jobs function normally and you would never know till they admitted it. Good for you that you didn’t let sleeping pills take over your life anymore! Takes a strong person to kick them and takes a stronger person to share their story also!
http://www.mika-lynn.blogspot.com
Thank you Monica! Crohn’s disease sounds really tough. Yep, I also know people who were addicted to all sorts of things and were “high functioning” – meaning they had successful jobs, supported their families, looked normal to the outside world, etc. It’s amazing what can be going on under the surface, but it usually catches up to the person eventually- and hopefully they get help.
I have always had sleep issues but always was afraid to take any sleeping meds. I have started meditating and for the most part I get about 6 hours a night now. I only go through small periods where I can’t sleep. I used to go WEEKS without a decent night of sleep. I’m just too old for that! Glad you were able to get off the stuff. I know some people need it. But I know a lot of people who abuse it too. Scary stuff.
http://www.sporkgasm.blogspot.com
I have a lot of sympathy for insomnia, especially long term- because it sucks! It makes your bones hurt. But 6 hours is usually enough for me when I’m living in balance.