Possibly. All aboard the crazy train! No really, it’s probably just me.
My husband’s therapist has suggested I might be Bipolar 2. It way less severe than Bipolar 1, which Carrie Fisher has, Bipolar 2 is the one Catherine Zeta Jones has.
This has come up before when I was diagnosed and given my current meds, but I have never been officially diagnosed with it.
It doesn’t usually involve mania or really nutty behavior, it’s more like cycles that include some weird high moods and then depression. I’ve never felt totally normal so I really don’t know, but I do have mood swings and I’m currently taking an anti-depressant, which most of the time I feel pretty great on if the rest of my life is in balance.
I don’t feel numb at all, I have my feelings and can cry, have normal sex relations, etc… (some people become, err, impotent on those types of meds, which for a woman I guess means no O!)…Anyway, I have feelings, they are just mostly good feelings.
I’m willing to go talk to a new therapist about it to look into it before making any decisions. One thing is that I have gained at least 10 pounds since I started taking the current anti-depressant last Spring. If I’m taking the wrong medication and I don’t need those extra ten pounds, why hang on to them, ya know?
The other thing is that while I feel pretty great, I can be delicate. I can easily get thrown out of balance by monthly hormones, a virus, etc…I think Nick is worried that with my early newbie sobriety, me potentially being on the wrong meds could throw me off course.
He could be right and now that the issue has been raised again, (Nick took some of my weirder blogs and my Twitter feed to his therapist! Ahhh!)- now that the issue has been raised, my gut instinct is telling me to not investigate it could mean I could stay on the wrong meds for 10, 20 years. I’m not a person who believes in suffering if there’s a safe solution.
Lastly, though, I’m worried about med adjustment periods. I know people who’ve had a really hard time going off anti-depressants and just cried all the time.
Now there is your daily dose of Heidi’s crazier than me! You’re welcome.
I just want to lie down in a giant room filled with Barbies and Disney Princesses and eat mac n’ cheese. I feel better today, though, things are definitely looking up.
XoXo-
~ Heidi
Above all else, just remember that you are beautiful inside and out.
The meds don’t change who you really are. They just tone it down.
That could be good or bad.
I was taking an anti-depressant until a few weeks ago. I just quit.
cold-turkey, and have never felt better..
Feels like time moves a little slower though.. lol
Think there was speed in my meds?
http://www.sober_mom.livejournal.com
Interesting! Thank you. Don’t quote me on this, but something I read just said anti-depressants may increase rapid cycling in people with Bipolar 2- I have to look into it.
So glad you are feeling better today! Definitely go get your meds checked out and adjusted any time you feel the need to do so. Bipolar 2 is one of the many on the list of my crazies, which I lovingly refer to as “quirks.” I’m quirky man. That’s way cuter than crazy!
Good luck with all this stuff. It’s a mess to be sure. Med adjustment is rough, but it’s worth the short period of feeling off, if it means you’ll eventually feel human. I have many, many friends on mood stabilizers that would not be functioning if it weren’t for the meds.
http://www.sporkgasm.blogspot.com
That’s it, we’re quirky! It’s never boring.
I hear ya, Heidi! I’ve been trying to find the right prescription and the right dose for my anxiety for the past year. With my addictive history, I don’t want to take an anti-anxiety med since those are highly addictive, but antidepressants aren’t working.
It’s terrifying to try to switch to a new med, the worry that it will make things even worse… good luck to you!
http://www.woahcecilia2.blogspot.com
I have had luck personally with Gabapentin, which is prescribed (off label?) as a mild mood stabilizer. It doesn’t get you high or zoned out or anything. It’s not a benzo or a Xanax type thing. It may be that’s all I need and can go off the Lexapro…but of course just throwing it out there because I am clearly no doc!
I use 1200mg 3x a day for severe neuropathy, I didn’t know it was for anxiety as well! Also, someone said it was used for seizures as well. But there are a few alarming side effects to go along. I’m on a load of meds from oxy to ativan and a list of others, it’s so hard to find the right combination. An anti-depressant can work for one but not another, my doctors have used one that worked on my mother on me, they’ve found a correlation in antidepressant success and genetics? It takes time and usually trying more than one or two. Good lucky Heidi
Hey Jess, thank you. Yes, I think Gabapentin was developed for seizures but is prescribed off label for a lot of other things. I can’t take Ativan because it it too close to alcohol, I think it is in the benzo class or similar and those are too addictive for me. They make me want a drink!
Heidi, I am a FOB for many years and bipolar. I have learned over the years and through suicide attempts: a) that I am not a doctor (my thinking got me here); b) not to change or quit meds for whatever reason ; c) do change doctors if I feel I am not being heard; and d) it does get uncomfortable but sometimes you have to ride out the highs and lows always keeping in mind it is only temporary. Love your blog – I too got sober when my baby girl was an adult 4 and I was a single parent – tough but doable.
Thank you Cynthia! Thank you so much for sharing that with me.
My husband and I are currently without medical coverage, but once upon a time I was on anti-anxiety meds. I’m hanging in there though, I just remind myself that though it feels real, there’s nothing coming to kill me, and then I go hide in the bathroom till it’s over. lol
http://www.captaindandelion.blogspot.com
They tell me that feelings aren’t real but I’m not sure I always believe them!
Heidi, YOU SOUND EXACTLY LIKE ME! I’ve switched a couple of times over the last few years, and the only time I “cried all the time” was when I switched to something that didn’t work. I swear my last thing was a sugar pill.
You’re no crazier than the rest of us, honey. Thank you for being so honest about this. Someone has to be!
~first-time reader
http://www.stephanienalls.blogspot.com
Yay, I love you!
Sounds just like me. I’ve recently gone back on my old anti-depressant and my dr is monitoring me for the exact same reason – some people with bipolar tendencies (Bipolar 2 in particular) do have increased manic episodes on meds. And then need a new med to counter act that. And that leads into a whole cocktail I don’t wanna swallow.
Hang in there!
http://www.rainydaychocolate.blogspot.com
Me, too, I don’t know if I wanna go there!