If you’re anything like me, you may occasionally be a little bit hard on yourself. Even when things are going very well in my life, I can find my ever working brain comparing myself to others.
Whatever it may be, “That person is younger than me and look how much farther in their career they are.” Or, “Look at her house, wow, they’re so rich, I don’t know if I’ll ever have a house that big/nice/clean, etc.” Point is, there’s always something.
I can always feel behind, like I’ll never catch up. Like I’m failing at life, somehow.
I don’t ever want to fail or stumble and fall on my face, but I do all of the time. We can’t experience success without failure and we can’t experience light without darkness, which kind of sucks, if you ask me.
Still, I get the concept that if you held a candle up to the blazing sun, the glow of the candle’s light would be lost, it would be indistinguishable from the rest of the fire. But light a candle in the dark of night and you can experience its glow and unique flame.
Such is the case with our own light, we need the dark of the night sky for our stars to glow brightly. We need the dark to serve our true purpose, which is love and which is light.
I want everything good now, to happen yesterday. But when I was younger, in my 20′s, I used to worry about when I would have a baby. I had a baby at age 37 and it was right on time.
Looking back, I thought, “Why did I waste any time worrying about when I would have a baby?” It was fine, it happened right when it was supposed to happen.
I’m finding that all of my life is like that. It happens when it’s meant to happen, I can only do my part and do my best putting one foot in front of the other, follow my dreams and listen to my gut instincts, but then I have to accept where my life is, right in this moment. Even when I stumble and fall. On my face. Again and again. *sigh*
This is one of my favorite quotes of all time, by Samuel Beckett.
“Ever tried.
Ever failed.
No matter.
Try again.
Fail again.
Fail better.”
So I am going to try to fail better.
And even with its challenges, life is still beautiful, especially when I get to share the warmth and glow of your light.
Love,
~ Heidi
Great post. I always tell people I am okay comparing things, but I really try not to apply value judgments to those comparisons. I am chubbier than some, but it doesn’t mean I’m worse than because of it. I have been working really hard at this kind of thinking and it’s made my life a better place.
I say, “Make a ton of mistakes. But try and learn from them. You may not the first, second, or even third time. But eventually if you are trying, you will learn and not make those same mistakes again. Which will make room for you to make new and better mistakes.” haha
http://sporkgasm.blogspot.com/
Exactly!
I have been feeling like this as well. It is hard to get over the fact that I will never gain my years back that I spent partying. I will never get those grades back. I will never end up in Law School, never have the fancy house, etc. BUT! Then I look at how much I have changed and what a beautiful story I have to tell. I would never have met Jack, I would never have had Hudson, (yet anyway), never have learned so many wonderful lessons. Life is a crazy ride. I am surely grateful for all of the lessons and hard times. I have used my story to help others, and if I have made one difference, I have made all the difference in the world.
Oh, and my house will totally never, ever, ever be clean. I’m just letting that sink in to my head.
Much love.. Thanks for the much needed inspiration this morning. Sometimes it’s good to know you aren’t alone in your thoughts.
http://serenefranklin.blogspot.com
You can still do law school if you want to, right? And maybe it wouldn’t be what you really wanted, anyway. Life is long and the rest of our story is yet to be written! I agree, I wouldn’t give my baby back and everything brought him to me and brought us here.