We’ve had a lot of rain in L.A. lately and these giant mushrooms keep sprouting up in my yard. I pull them out with my bare hands and treat them like toxic waste, I don’t know if they’re poison. Anybody know?
Funny story, actual magic mushrooms used to grow in the cow patties in the field behind our house in Louisiana and one day a family member put them in err, homemade spaghetti sauce and then put the leftovers in the fridge with a sign on it that said something like “Do Not Eat My Drugs.”
No, it didn’t say drugs, but more like MINE Mother effers! (that sentiment without the cursing) and another family member ignored the sign and ate it.
I won’t say who these alleged parties were, but I have never taken or eaten magic mushrooms and it’s too late now, dude, I’m a parent. No family members were harmed by the way, one just jumped on the bed a lot and acted inexplicably happy.
DON’T DO DRUGS, KIDS. It’s not worth the potential brain damage of your brain in like, a frying pan like an egg in the 70s. “This is your brain on drugs.”
“I learned it from you, Dad!” Remember that commercial? Classic anti pot smoking ad.
I’m not smoking pot around or with my kid ever, well, I don’t smoke pot or do drugs anyway, but also, he’s five, that’s a little young for smoking, don’t ya think?
Stop pressuring him!
I’m being silly. Listen, I would probably smoke pot if I got cancer and it was prescribed.
How did we get from mushrooms in my yard to me having cancer and becoming a street crack ho? Because that’s how my mind works. Welcome to the madness, Alice.
This post actually has a totally different point: My friend Lauren Rae at Filing Jointly.com was very generous and big hearted and allowed me to borrow her adorable and intelligent readers to guest blog about Bexon’s condition and my new book.
And Lauren is doing a GIVEAWAY of three of the signed paperback versions of my novel Crooked Love, you can just hop over there if ya wanna enter and leave a comment under today’s post (click here) to Filing Jointly.
By the way, you probably already know Lauren because she’s a very talented, delightful blogger, funny and real and a must read, but if not- check out this hilarious yoga post and you will love her like I do. I want her to have a baby, pronto.
She and her hubs Ryan have the cutest relationship. He’s dressing as Santa for her this weekend, and he’s a little bit more of a Bah Humbug type guy. That’s love.
Kid jokes: “Why was the mushroom invited to the party? Because he was a Fungi!”
“Why did the mushroom leave the party? Because there wasn’t MUSH ROOM!”
Bwahhahahaha! I’m so sorry. I’ll leave quietly.