MILF

Mom sisters Heidi Ferrer

My hot Mom after having three kids. I'm in green on the left.

Warning: Today’s post contains adult content subject matter (PG-13, as always : )

Last night I was watching Chelsea Lately on DVR and the topic came up on the comedian’s round table that a certain porn star (Jenna Jameson) has announced that she will no longer work in her chosen profession (porn) because she is a mother now.

Well aren’t we all buttoned and zipped up all of a sudden? Probably re-virginized, too.

One of the comics, the very pretty and funny Whitney Cummings, said something like Did she quit porn or did porn quit her? …No one wants to get busy to a mom.

Hmmmm. What do you think, my Mom friends? Should we clasp our June Cleaver pearls around our necks and warn Ward that we’re worried about The Beaver?

Wait, wow, that came out wrong. I’m not worried about my beaver, my beaver is just fine. Actually, it’s fantastic! It’s doing jazz hands.

I’ll stop now.

Listen, I’m not claiming to personally be a:

MILF

That is a term someone else has to call you, like your teenage son’s best friend right before your son punches him in the jaw. But aside from it being an acronym that has the F word in it and therefore naughty, I don’t think it’s offensive, at least not to me.

What do you think? I sort of look at it the way that people look at aging when they say they don’t mind aging because consider the alternative.

When I was on the panel for an Internet streaming show for Geekweek Live! last week, my friends who own and run the website mentioned that some of the viewers had commented Who’s the Milf in the red top? (about me) while the show was airing. There is a place where comments and tweets appear on the right hand side of your computer screen during the live taping.

My friend Jeff Katz said You know, they’re guys. And I just shrugged and replied Sure, I know guys.

Boys will be boys. I mean, I’d rather be thought of as a MILF than someone who no one would ever want to see naked in a million years. Just me?

At least I want my husband to want to get busy with me. The way I see it, we have a limited time before we turn into the older generation (Gasp!) who people ignore completely.

I have read many of my favorite authors over the years say this and I have heard it from my own family members:

When you get old, you become invisible.

It’s not that people are mean necessarily, they apparently just don’t look at you. Do you think that’s because older people are not considered sexually viable? Is it a cultural, societal thing? The older people who are getting busy always say it’s fabulous at their age.

Maybe it’s because quote unquote old people are not sexually viable to procreate with. Even if you don’t want to actually make a baby, your bod is jonesing to have the option. In case the condom breaks.

It’s the reptile part of the brain. The one teenage boys are working with and your best friend Fifi after too much Patron silver.

If you ask me, it’s not a fair deal that we can’t be sexy as all heck after having kids. That’s right, I said heck! I’m on a tear!

There is really only that window where your body is healing after giving birth or being cut open, and then you’re good to go. You’re just so busy and so tired with kiddos, that’s where it gets sticky. Or not sticky, as it were.

Whoever has a problem with moms showing cleavage can suck it, in my humble opinion. As long as it’s tasteful and you look good, work it Mama! Not to be depressing, but the clock is sort of ticking for everybody as far as age goes. I say use it or lose it. Or don’t use it and lose it anyway, dealer’s choice.

Elvis reportedly never wanted to have sex with Priscilla Presley after she became the mother of his child. Or maybe once or something, but he was not too into it, apparently. I’m pretty sure he was into it with other women, which is a shame. He had one hot wife in Priscilla and a lot of other guys would’ve felt lucky.

I had a screenwriter meeting once at a Big Hollywood Studio where we discussed a MILF themed movie that was in discussions for development.

Jessica Alba was reportedly interested in being in it at one point. Now, whatever you think of Jessica Alba, if she’s cute or irritating or whatever, she is undoubtedly very physically attractive and she’s a mother.

And a Google search of the word MILF brings up around forty seven million results. Yummy Mummy has 847,000.

So…yeah., pretty Mamas. Somebody out there is interested.

They didn’t create the MILF Hunter website for nothin’. You have forty seven million reasons to feel hot!

Heidi FerrerShimmer work it girl.

XO-

-h

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2 Responses to MILF

  1. Shannon says:

    OMG, this is SOOOO what I needed this morning! Although I guess I should think of myself as a possible ‘SMILF’ (for not having a biological kiddie), I’m laughing so hard over your rays of truth– brava!!

  2. Heidi Ferrer says:

    You totally get to be a MILF! Although SMILF is pretty awesome, too : )

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