My Vagina Has a First Name- PG-13

Heidi FerrerI’m not sure why people call vaginas beavers. Makes no sense.

Maybe they’re furry if not waxed, but they don’t have buck teeth and create log jams.

Well, maybe they create log jams. *wink wink*

I’m going to personally dub my Ladygarden two names, and then I’m going to pick some alternate names for her various personalities, depending on her mood.

It’s good to have some extra names for your vagina in your back pocket. Ya know, if you’re in a tight spot someday.

Here’s my name for my vagina when she’s good:

Angel Honeypot Friend. I know, this makes my vagina sound like something from Winnie the Pooh, but we have to be gentle with her sometimes. She’s a delicate flower.

And when she’s bad…I better think about this.

Now here are the reader suggested names for her various personalities from previous post Name My Ladygarden!:

1.) Mrs. Gash, submitted by Charity Woosely: I find this a little too crude for Angel Honeypot, but I do appreciate that she adds spice with no added salt and doesn’t raise anybody’s blood pressure (a la Mrs. Dash).

This will be good for when she’s sleeping with seniors in the retirement community someday. (I apologize to the makers of Mrs. Dash. They had nothing to do with this.)

2.) Cave of Wonders, submitted by Meg: All too true, Meg, so very appropriate. But she’s a narrow cave, not the large roomy kind. Lest we be misled.

3.) Lady Marmalade, submitted by Jo: I quite like this one, especially for sex during brunch. Or while dressed in stripper attire and belting out torch songs, as my vagina often does on Sundays.

4.) Wonderland submitted by Taren, as in “Your Body is Wonderland”: I wouldn’t have sex with John Mayer with Bea Arthur’s vagina, but I love the name Wonderland. So me!

5.) Numbers 5-9 submitted by Dani: Mr. Bigglesworth (the hairless pussy in “Austin Powers”…. bwaaaahahahahaaaa):

This might really work when I’m 89! Back pocket.

6.) Turner and Cootch: Is my cooch in a crack police team with Tom Hanks or an adorable dog?

7.) Petunia: One of my faves. So cute and sweet.

8.) Lady Gaga: Talented and a little scary with a lot of crazy wigs and costumes- my vagina in a nutshell.

9.) Pussy Galore: Yep!

10.) Hoo-Hoo, submitted by Suzanne: I love it. It’s like a cream filled treat. But without cream, because I don’t have a yeast infection. So it’s just a treat.

11.) Christmas, submitted by Becca: Because it’s a gift! Awwww! I love this so much. Our vaginas are gifts, aren’t they? Touching on so many levels.

12.) Valley of the Golden No-No and The Whispering Eye, submitted by Deedo:

Both are fabulous. She whispers, she winks. No-no, don’t touch!

This is my name for when she’s a bad, bad girl: (My husband just made me delete this. I can’t imagine why. Sometimes I…overshare.)

Anyhoo-ha, thank you everyone for helping me with this crucial life assignment!

Love your vagina today. Or somebody else’s.

Beaver imagesXOXO-

~ Heidi

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