Best Picture- Silly Analysis

Oscars poster 2011

Perhaps I’m not the most snobby of movie lovahs but I know what I like.

The following is my mostly ridiculous and occasionally serious analysis of the Best Picture Oscar Nominees that were announced today for the 83rd Annual Academy Awards.

My list is especially absurd because I admit I’ve seen most but not all of the movies nominated. This however, may make me similar to some official Academy voters.

Spoiler Alert! Some of my meandering thoughts will give plot points away if you have yet to see the nominated films. Unless you haven’t seen Winter’s Bone, because I have no idea what it’s about.

Oscar Best Picture Nominees- Analyzed:

Black Swan – Very creepy with heavy sinister undertones. Single White Female meets a female ballet version of Fight Club with a lesbian scene thrown in to get teenage boys to buy a ticket and dream a little dream.

I liked it. I’ve been sexually harassed, mostly by myself at home, so I related. It was like director Darren Aronofsky put himself on steroids and starved Natalie Portman and then she was so strung out from Darren’s torture that she got pregnant by that ballet dancer who has about one line in the movie.

black swan posterI hear Natalie’s Baby Daddy is the choreographer of the movie and a bigwig in the ballet world, and kudos to them for escaping Darren’s creepy pancake make-up clutches and making something beautiful out of it without stabbing themselves with a broken mirror shard.

I personally could see the big plot twist miles away but it was still a fun, gross ride. I don’t ever want to become like her psycho mother in the movie, let us pray. And Barbara Hershey was so pretty in Beaches. *Sigh* I know, that means she’s fierce in this role.

Grade: A-

Inception – I think this film blew right over some people with the complicated, intricate plot and stunning visuals, but I really enjoyed it. I felt a little disconnected emotionally from the characters, but it brought it home to me in the end and I nearly cried.

This movie has stayed with me when I’ve remembered my crazy dreams since, except my dreams involve waffles and not crumbling cities. Still, it’s always a good sign when a movie stays with you.

Grade: B+

127 Hours- I haven’t seen this one yet but the screenplay was riveting when I skim read it. My child has had hospital trips before and after the holidays this year, and I didn’t know if I could emotionally take the scene where he cuts off his own arm. Color me wimpy.

James Franco the lead actor is a hoot, though, he’s co-hosting the Academy Awards this year, has been going back to college, writing books and he’s been doing a recurring hammy role in a soap opera.

Next up I think he’s directing and then I’m gonna have him clean my floors in a um, banana hammock. Hope he’s not too busy.

Grade: TBD

The Kids Are All Right – Mark Ruffalo is hot in this movie. Who doesn’t want a man who owns his own restaurant where he cooks with organic vegetables that he rips out of the ground with his own earthy, muscular arms?

You can basically smell Mark Ruffalo in this movie and girl, he’s musky.

It seemed slight at first to me, but the comedic elements, rich performances from the entire cast and family drama about a different kind of family really came together, for me. This is a modern, special film that is “slice of life” done right.

Grade: A

The Social Network posterThe Social Network – My pick for Best Picture this year. Full disclosure, I have some friends involved in this film, but regardless of that I think it’s excellent across the boards in every category and extremely socially relevant.

Obviously I’m not the only one who thinks so, it’s been sweeping many of the awards so far this year. Well deserved.

Grade: A+

True Grit- Didn’t see it yet, but I loves me some Jeff Bridges, Dude.

Grade: TBD

The Fighter – Excellent movie, Mark Wahlberg is great and Christian Bale’s weight and teeth and hair scare the heck out of me.

Christian Bale The Fighter image

Christian Bale in The Fighter- awesome performance.

I guess I should probably never shoot heroin, note to self.

It’s a great fight movie but it’s no Rocky in that it doesn’t swell to make you want to vote for it in the end, in my falsely humble opinion. Melissa Leo and Amy Adams are also top notch in the acting category, I don’t ever want to enter into a bar brawl with either of them.

Put down the liquid courage and don’t touch the hair, ladies.

Grade: B+

The King's Speech posterThe King’s Speech – If The Social Network doesn’t win, this is my second favorite and it’s a completely different movie.

Just go see it. I love British people and the story is so moving and steeped in truth about family, friendship, overcoming childhood pain and historical relevance, I loved everything about it.

Grade: A+

Toy Story 3 – Without a shred of doubt, one of the best 3 movies of the year. Heartbreaking and funny. A movie that “gets” childhood.

I laughed, I cried, it became a part of me.

Grade: A+

Winter’s Bone- Haven’t seen it and I don’t really know what this movie is about, although I don’t think that Jeff Bridges is in this one.

Based on the title, I’m going to guess it’s about Hollywood actresses alongside Christian Bale fighting over one bone with no meat on it after they’re starved themselves to play their ballet/heroin addict roles and to fit into their bandage dresses.

The bone in question gets thrown up after the ceremony at The Governor’s Ball, much like the bouquet at a wedding reception.

Am I close?

Grade: I have no idea, I’m just kidding, beautiful talented actresses and Christian Bale! I really just want to be as skinny as you. Well, not as skinny as some of you, just the healthy looking ones.

That’s my ridiculous round-up, my money is still on The Social Network but if there’s an upset, look for The King’s Speech to go for the little gold man in tights. Or is he even wearing pants?

James Franco image

James Franco= adorable.

More to come and I’m dialing James Franco’s cell right now…I’m sizing up the banana hammock, I hope he looks good in yellow.

Next thing you know we’re gonna find out Franco is Oprah’s half-sister.

What will he do next?



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