My precious, wide eyed five year old boy Bex asked me for a cookie yesterday. I told him that he just had ice cream and that was too much sugar.
I explained that too much sugar can be bad for you and that I wanted him to eat a piece of string cheese, instead.
“Too much sugar is bad for me?” Bex asked.
“Yes it is, ” I replied, “It can give you diabetes.”
“Diabetes?” my cutie innocently asked, “What’s diabetes?”
“It’s something that can happen to you if you eat too much sugar and don’t balance it out with healthy foods.”
“Can it make me die?” Bex questioned.
Hmmm. I’m in this thing of being totally honest in my life, so I’m thinking I should answer his question honestly. It’s not good to lie. Right?
Me: “Yes, it can make you die. But don’t worry, that won’t happen to you because you’re going to eat healthy foods.”
I cringe, backtracking, “Diabetes is very unlikely to make you die, that almost never happens. But you could lose your feet. Or your eyesight, first.”
What? I told him he could lose his feet from a cookie?
“Ya know, have you ever seen Cookie Monster’s feet? That’s diabetes for you.” (Joke credit @Schmoodles on Twitter.)
Bex ate the cheese. He didn’t want the cookie anymore, what a shock. Now it was time to get in the car, and he turned to me, worried, saying “I’m afraid of dying.”
Oh, God. This innocently started with me not wanting him to eat a cookie after he just had ice cream! You can send my Mother of the Year medal in the mail.
“You’re not going to die, honey.” Now I’m definitely lying to him, the thing I was trying to avoid. Nice work, dummy mommy.
“If I die, I go with God?” he asked. “You go live with God?”
“Yes, you go live with God…but…” crap.
Crap crap crap, why didn’t I give him the freakin’ cookie?
Bex: “What’s dying?”
Me: “Dying is…like sleeping and never waking up.”
Ugh, Mommy, stupid description, sounds too pleasant. You want him to have a healthy fear of getting hit by a car, etc.
Bex: “But God can wake me up?”
Me: “Ahhh, uhhh….yes. But you’re not going to die. Not for a very long time. Not for a hundred years. You’re going to stay here with us. That’s why we’re here, Mommy and Daddy are here to protect you and keep you safe.”
I’m not ready for the big questions, he’s only five! WAHHH! Hold me.
Next time I’m giving him the cookie.