My three year old boy Bex needs a costume to wear for International Day at his preschool. This Mommy is already in a pickle about it.
Every costume I can think of just seems a little…insensitive. In this P.C. world we live in, I don’t want to offend anybody and I sure as Sam heck am not gonna sew anything. We all know that is not gonna happen in this lifetime movie.
I don’t think Canadians will appreciate that honey, although his teachers may enjoy the beer, and being around all those wascally wabbits all day they probably need it.
Does Moosehead beer come in a non-alcoholic version? Somehow I doubt it. Or he could just carry a boot. Get it, some Canadians pronounce the word “about” as “aboot.”
Is that offensive to Canada? If so, I’m sorry. I love my Canadian friends. I’m just gonna make a blanket apology to the United Nations about this whole post.
That said, I’m left with few choices as I peruse the toddler costumes available online and in my local party stores.
I Tweeted that my choices seem to be: A Ninja, Ni Hao Kai Lan (the adorable Chinese cartoon girl) or Kung Fu Panda.
I was partly joking, but seriously, those are the only three toddler costumes out there that are remotely related to being from another country.
How about a Geisha girl? My son won’t hate me for that later, ya think?
It’s not like a mini Dashiki is any better. And if you were Mexican, do you want to see a blonde little white kid wearing a sombrero and shaking maracas? Listen, one option is Native American, but that is not really from another country, is it? Hence the word American.
I’m part Cherokee according to my Dad and I’m offended by that one. No, not really. My Indian name is: Dances With Cookies.
But seriously, if you dressed your kid with a dot on their forehead ala India, is that not kinda…rude?
I’m not sure. Maybe a Scottish Kilt and little bagpipes. Nope, they don’t sell that one at Party City.
And I’m not lending him my Catholic schoolgirl skirt in size two that I pray I someday might fit back into and I’m not even Catholic.
At Party City, I can dress my kiddo up as a pimp, a pregnant man, or as a Fantasy Girl. Okay, those are adult costumes, but you get the point.
A Knight? Camelot, that wasn’t in America, right?
Or how about Harry Potter, he’s from England! Is that a cop out? If I just throw on the Harry Potter scarf and the round glasses will I be upstaged by a Mom who has hand sewn something amazing?
You know…the Moms who actually do something homemade. The ones who truly love their children. You know who you are, b*tches. I respect you and I also feel inferior, but that’s unlikely to make me buy a needle and thread or a sheep and a loom.
Or to tuck my child into bed at night, who has the time?
How about a beret, a neck scarf and a baguette- he’s French! And one of those long cigarette holders.
Or just hand rolled cigs with no filter. Or he could just hold his arms over his head and surrender.
I’m sorry, France, please let me come back to Paris. I heart you and your buttery chocolate pistachio croissants and vanilla macaroons and that club sandwich you make with egg salad as one of the layers.
I still dream of having sole meuniere again at the Café at The Louvre. Sigh. You were so nice to me even though my husband kept yelling “WHICH TRAIN DO WE TAKE TO VERSAILLES” in English.
What if he goes as an Eskimo and eats salted blubber jerky the whole day? That won’t gross anybody out, will it? And I’m sure he won’t throw up whale jerky on my jeans.
I could dress him as a little Mime but that’s just creepy in a non country specific way, if you ask me.
I’m open to any suggestions that don’t involve me doing any work or losing any shut eye.
Oh flippin’ sweet and sour chicken, I surrender! Maybe I’ll just sew something that sucks.
P.S. An easy favor to ask if you have just 2 secs…
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