Hey, something big happened at our house yesterday and I mean BIG.
Bexon age 3 learned how to use the computer mouse by himself. I mean really use it, including “clicking, dragging and dropping” an item.
Ignore the fact that he uses his t-shirt as a napkin in this iPhone video, rubbing mini chicken taco grease and salsa on his belly.
He’s. A. GENIUS!!!
Okay, maybe, perhaps I’m a little biased. This Mommy is still in shock and I feel a cold coming on so it’s a whole Alice in Wonderland vibe a-swirl inside my noggin. You’re always either too big or you’re too small, Alice.
I don’t know how I can impress upon you or tearfully explain to you how many seconds, minutes and long hours of my life have been frittered away like so many sands through the hourglass….
As I’ve stood at the ready like a good soldier, clicking on children’s educational videos like Starfall.com, dinosaur videos set to metal rock on YouTube, and videos of Funny Cats for my munchkin’s delight and viewing pleasure.
(Don’t watch “Cat Caught in a Window,” it’s upsetting but the kitty ultimately gets free.)
It’s been fairly mind numbing, but now I’m FREEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don’t know what I’ll do with all the spare time, but I know I’m not getting a lot of fillers injected into my face after I witnessed The Real Housewives of Miami last night for the first time. Scary to the bone, girrrrrl.
Now that Bexon can use the computer, there are a few other things I’m going to expect of him:
1.) Kid’s gonna have to learn to write computer code, HTML 5, and run the back of Mommy’s website.
2.) He needs to get an income producing job, STAT, what does he think monkey pants grow on trees?
3.) Now that I know he’s a wunderkind genius, I expect him to be the youngest winner ever on “American Idol.” Then write a hit song about how much he loves me titled “I’ll never get married because who can top Mommy?”
4.) Our CD, DVD, cassette, 8 track tape and vinyl record will be dropping like it’s hot, pronto. Jay Z is producing and Beyonce and Gwyneth Paltrow are singing back-up.
6.) Bex needs to start his own Twitter account ASAP, @BexLightning, but he’s so cool he’ll only follow Mommy and Daddy and one randomly selected person a month, like Kanye.
Or is it Diddy Dirty Money? I can’t keep up.
7.) He needs to be a thug all up in da club, but don’t do any drugs or drink or date, like, ever.
8.) Computer geniuses and entrepreneurs don’t still prefer to poop in a Toy Story pull-up, do they?
Anyone? Bill Gates? Zuck?
Pretty sure he’s gonna have to be 100% willing to go on the potty to run his own empire.
9.) Oprah is leaving her daily show and Ellen and The View are fab, but there’s still a place for “Bexon!” the daily talk show since Phil Donahue left.
Hot Topics will include: “I found two slugs under a yard tile,” “How to play batting practice with a wild yard squirrel when your parents aren’t looking,” “Die Bee!” And “Look Mommy a scary T-Rex spider!”
10.) Bexon will pen a bestselling memoir entitled “How to Train Your Dim Dummy Parents to Wait on You Hand and Foot While Constantly Telling You That You’re a Gorgeous Genius.”
This will lead to highly paid public speaking engagements, worldwide fame and an Academy Award winning movie made about his life.
I want Catherine O’ Hara to play me.
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Pity me all you want but my honey chile is gonna out Bieber Bieber. I mean, just look at his chin dimple. I take no credit for that, but the girls go wild.