This is me right now.
I’m having a pity party because I’ve been sick this week. All I’ve wanted to eat was loads of carbs and salty foods and I feel like I look like a scary sicky monster with 17 chins.
I probably gained about a trillion pounds and my skin is blotchy and I have dark circles under my eyes. But I feel guilty about complaining about this because I feel like other people have real problems.
Then I remind myself to put on my party hat again because I have real problems! I’m a recovering alcoholic and my son has severe scoliosis.
Poor pookie has been in his current brace for four months and I’m sick of the brace. I’m grateful for it and it is SO much easier than the 10 (life saving) casts, but still. I feel guilty strapping him in so tight every day into a hard plastic thing. He’s an angel about it, sniff.
I also really don’t want to be an alcoholic. It sucks that it’s a lifelong disease. The novelty has worn off for me and I don’t want it to define my whole life. But Bex has scoliosis and there’s nothing I can do about it but treat it and I have this thing and there’s nothing I can do about it but treat it, too.
Too ff-ing bad, Mama. WAHHHHHHH!!!!!
It’s not cancer and I wouldn’t trade places with someone who’s fighting that. I’m just feeling low. I want to be a glowing beacon of light and happiness, but right now I just want to punch a pillow, then crumble to the ground in a heap of patheticness and tears.
Clinging to hope.
Sorry for the pukey sicky rant. I got to hug my healthy child this morning and that is all that really matters.
xxxooo- h
Sending huge hugs your way. Everyone needs to have a self-pity party now and again.
I hate being an alcoholic too. I can’t stand that I can not ever have another drink in my life. I see normal drinkers and cross my arms like a six year old and say, “Hmfff! That’s not fair!” The weirdest part is I just met two half sisters. None of us were raised by our father (who died of cirrhosis of the liver) and we’re all addicts/alcoholics. Thanks dad!
http://www.sporkgasm.blogspot.com
Me, too! It is so genetic. It is really mostly not our faults.
Hugs to you, Heidi – I hope you feel better soon. And remember, a lot of things are life-long battles – like living, breathing, deciding on grapes or a muffin etc.
It’s a battle you can be grateful to have, as I hear from you all the time. Be puffy and blotchy today – you can be whomever you want tomorrow too!
You’re so right!
Heidi! It is ok to feel like this every once in a while. We all have things we go through. I have to strap my poor little hud in leg braces every night to hold his feet a foot apart and twist his bones outward. This past week he was diagnosed with cellulitis because of the braces rubbing on the top of his foot. So now he has to down antibiotics and steroids every day for the next two weeks, Which makes his stomach upset, Which in turn makes his hiney hurt. Awful! I get it. Sometimes it just feels good to write it all out.
Besides, that’s why you started this whole blog journey, right?
Love you! Evry-little-thing….Is gonna be al-right.
http://www.sober_mom.livejournal.com
Awww, poor Hud!