Funny Women Power Books

how to be a woman book cover

I’ve been reading a lot of books lately by interesting, hilarious and intelligent women.

There is an abundance of riches right now in the memoir/essay category, which is my favorite genre. A cornucopia of badassery, if you will.

You can’t go wrong with Tina Fey’s Bossypants or Jenny Lawson’s Let’s Pretend This Never Happened, but there are a few new ones I recommend right now:

1.) How To Be A Woman by Caitlan Moran. (pronounced Cat-lin)

If you like British humor and I very much do, and if you at all consider yourself a feminist, this cyclone bullet of a memoir is a must buy.

At times I adored Moran so much I wanted to eat her like a cheese lollipop, other times I honestly cringed, but she is simply fascinating, brave, bold and important.

If you read Tina Fey’s book and thought she was ballsy, this will blow you away.

Moran covers very touchy subjects including her view on modern porn and its effect on women and abortion, her own, after becoming a mother.

It’s pretty grisly and I will be using birth control even as I approach the sunset of my minge.

Her birth story is one of the worst I’ve ever heard that resulted in a healthy child. My personal nightmare that didn’t come true for me. How lucky I was.

I didn’t always agree with Caitlan, but I was riveted. Riveted. It’s also laugh out loud funny.

Stick your hand in your pants, do you have a vagina? If yes, then I would read this book.

2.) Yes, Please by Amy Poehler.

It’s been said that women love Amy Poehler and I think that’s generally true.

I like her TV show Parks and Recreation and I love her hosting awards shows with Tina Fey (together, they are the best hosts evah,) I enjoyed her on SNL, but I’m really not crazy about her Old Navy commercials.

However. Her book is fantastic. It’s very, very funny and full of solid life advice, plus Amy has “the Angelina Jolie of vaginas.”

My only complaint about this book is that Poehler apologizes for it too much in the forward, she doesn’t need to at all. It may have been hard to write, as she writes that it was, but it’s must read.

I’m sad she got a divorce from Will Arnett, but the silver lining is how beautifully she writes about her pain, I bet it’s helping a lot of other people.

Here’s a quote on her divorce which applies to other big things in life that break your heart:

“Someday you will wake up feeling 51 percent happy and slowly, molecule by molecule, you will feel like yourself again.”

Some other Amy quotes:

“Your brain is not your friend when you need to apologize.”

“Fighting aging is like the War on Drugs. It’s expensive, does more harm than good, and has been proven to never end.”
Continue reading

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Olive Oil Bath

jacaranda flowers

This is an easy DIY idea that came to me when I had a professional hair blow out this week and didn’t want to take a hot shower, lest I frizz my pretty hair and not make it last.

I also have sensitive and dry skin and after I shower, I have to cover my entire bod head to feet in lotion.

I still love Everyone lotion from Amazon or Whole Foods, it’s inexpensive, paraben free and feels super soft on my skin. I usually use the citrus mint or the lavender scented one.

I love lavender scent at night, I find it very soothing. A hot shower relaxes my muscles and sore feet and I sleep better after the hydrotherapy.

Then I had a simple idea that has changed my life: Continue reading

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The Dream Scoliosis Team!

shriners hospital salt lake city scoliosis team

It’s Thanksgiving Day, 2014 and I have so much to be thankful for.

I’m thankful today for these men in the picture with Bex, because they’re the kind of people you want in your lifeboat.

They’re in our boat with Bexon, age 7, now over 5 years into his health journey of Progressive Infantile Scoliosis, (which is also called Early Onset Scoliosis,) because they are the ones saving him right now.

Holding Bex in the middle is world class Orthopedic surgeon and Bex’s doctor the whole way through 10 non-surgical casts and now several braces, the great Dr. Jaques D’Astous.

You may notice Jacques is slighting covering himself with Bex in the pose, this is typical of this exceptional and humble man.

What I mean by that is his ego is not what drives him, thank God for that, and he was the rare surgeon who was willing to gently cast my baby and avoid the multiple, painful and invasive surgeries that most surgeons would have done very young on his spine, which would have seriously harmed Bexon’s body and future life.

Jacques has been an absolute savior to us. I wish he could be cloned and work in every hospital in the world. He’s a hero.

On the left is Mike Pond, the P.A. or Physician’s Assistant to Jacques, who hands-on casted Bex along with Jacques. (It’s labor intensive and done under full anesthesia.)

Mike was the right hand man who talked to us for hours and told us vital things in our darkest hour that also saved Bex, such as how casting would be “a project.”

Was it ever a project. And Mike helped us to understand that we’d be in this for the long haul, and vitally told us that it’s common for kids to get “stuck” in the middle of Mehta/EDF casting, meaning not really get better for a few casts (for us parents, this was a long and arduous, emotionally painful year of about 5 casts Bex did not really improve much in.)

Mike’s words helped us to stay the course and cling to that hope that this could maybe, possibly be okay and boom, our baby suddenly got 10 degrees better the following summer.

scoliosis before and after

I will always be grateful to Mike.

And on the right of the picture is James, our current awesome Orthotist who builds Bex’s night brace, which is done in a Mehta cast/EDF style.

We’ve had several different Orthotists at Shriner’s Hospital for Children in Salt Lake City, Utah, with three different kinds of braces over the years for Bex (Boston and Providence braces are the other two types)…

Credit goes to their fine work as well, plus the entire staff, especially the kind nurses (including our Care Coordinator and friend, Angie, who went above and beyond to save Bex), the fun X-ray ladies and the skilled and careful anesthesiologists who kept my baby breathing and alive and all of those who held us up and made us laugh.

The work they do, both with the casts and the braces, is truly a medical work of art. Each piece, cast and brace, is a work of art that is saving the work of art who wears it, my child.

As always, my deepest gratitude goes out to the Shriners who built this happiest hospital in the world, the courageous and indefatigable Heather Hyatt Montoya, who personally led us to this right treatment and was instrumental in bringing it to the U.S…

Dr. Min Mehta, the original pioneer of doing this work on babies like mine, Olivia (Liv), Heather’s super-heroine and beautiful, beyond brave teenage daughter…

And to all of the other children and parents, families who paved the way and told us their stories and gave us small beacons of hope to see forward in the dark, today and every day I say thank you, thank you, thank you.

We are rich in the good fortune of having you brighten our lives with your light.

Amen.

Love,

~ Heidi

Posted in Bexon, Gratitude, Health is Wealth, Mommyhood, Parenthood, Scoliosis | Leave a comment

Minute Spinach Artichoke Dip!

minute spinach artichoke dip

Need a last minute party appetizer or dip?

My easy, fast spinach artichoke dip has only five ingredients and can be used as a regular dip with corn or pita chips…

It’s divine on crackers and can even be used as a sinful tasting creamy wrap, quesadilla or sandwich filling.

Here (pictured) I put it on a whole wheat tortilla with a few slices of deli chicken for lunch, yum.

I also ate it for the last two nights on regular water crackers as a late night snack, sooo good.

The one minute is the cooking time in the microwave for 1-2 large servings. The prep time is only about 2-3 additional minutes, tops.

You could take the ingredients cold in a microwave safe bowl to a party or holiday gathering and just heat it up there, stirring right before serving.

Ingredients:

(Per large serving, which is a heaping amount on 4-5 water crackers or as a rich, hearty sandwich topping, etc…multiply as needed for more folks.)

1.) One cup fresh baby spinach- for one serving. I used organic.

For a group, I’d use a whole pre-washed bag or about 4-5 cups, loosely packed.

2.) Two artichoke hearts from a can or jar, I use the kind packed in water/salt/citric acid, not oil.

For a group, just use the whole average sized can, drained and chopped.

3.) One tablespoon light whipped cream cheese.

For a group, use one tablespoon cream cheese per cup of spinach you use.

4.) One fourth cup shredded mozzarella cheese, I used organic.

Feel free to go for cheddar, jack or pepper jack instead.

For a group, use one cup or one and a fourth cups.

5.) A good two big shakes or pinches of Parmesan cheese, or about two teaspoons.

For a group, use about two heaping tablespoons Parm.

Mine didn’t need any additional salt, but as always, add salt and pepper, garlic salt or powder and/or hot sauce to taste for a lil’ additional kick.

Directions:

You don’t have to chop the baby spinach at all, just drain and chop up the artichoke hearts, measure and put all ingredients in a microwave safe bowl.

I put the spinach first, then the cream cheese, then the chopped artichokes, then the other two cheeses.

Use a soup sized bowl for one or two servings or a large bowl for a big bunch.

Microwave on high uncovered for one minute. Stir very well (I whip it up with a fork first, then a spoon) and serve!

If you’re making a large batch, microwave for one minute, stir and pop it back in for 30 seconds to another minute, etc., as needed, until the cheese all melts gooey and it stirs up hot, luscious and creamy.

The fresh spinach will cook super fast as you mix it, in the heat of the artichokes and cheeses.

Boom.

Calories per large, cheesy serving: About 200. A lot loaded on a water cracker is about 40-50 calories, but who’s counting?

Enjoy!

XOXO-

~ h

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The Ranch Dressing Debacle

heidi ferrer girl to mom

This is one of those silly and embarrassing stories that could only happen to me. It does involve some sexual innuendo, but no actual sex. I promise.

We’re all adults here.

So, remember when I couldn’t fit my home treadmill for working out through the door of our new house?

The movers tried to take it apart in the garage and put it back together, but they couldn’t figure it out. Nice guys, we gave them a little extra money for the effort.

Now that I am about to get Fall flabby, I needed my machine set up. Nick called around and guess how much Sears, which is where I bought my treadmill only one year ago, charges to do this little trick?

About six hundred dollars! Which is what I paid for the machine at their store only one year ago in the first place. Ri-dick.

It being Thanksgiving week, it was hard to find someone to come out, but we found a guy willing to do it yesterday for about 250 dollars.

This still seems like a lot to me, but I guess it’s a skilled and time consuming job to take apart and put back together a standard piece of workout equipment.

At the center of this story is what it’s like to be a women in the world, which is to say, somewhat physically vulnerable at times. Any woman who has walked alone down a dark street or fumbled for her keys at night, at her own car or doorstep knows what I mean.

I also think of my home as a private place and don’t really love to have strangers in it, even when they are just repairing something that I need, I can’t really relax and I don’t like to be home alone with strange men.

And then there’s the *cough* prawn Industry and the jillion prawn movies with the cliche about a housewife home alone when the horny repair guy comes over and “fixes her pipes” so to speak.

Whah whah whah

Cut to: Continue reading

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Thanks, God

thanks God picture

This photo if of is me leaping into the air at sunset in Boone, North Carolina, at my little sister’s wedding a couple years back.

I had a moment like this today and I do nearly every day, when I look at the sky or at least think this in my heart.

xo-

~ H

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Thankful People

thankful quote picture

xo

~ h

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