Kid Joke

This is my 7 year old Bexon’s favorite joke. He tells this to waitresses at restaurants! You should see them blush. :-)


~ Heidi

Posted in A Giggle, Bexon, Funny Kids, Video, Vlog | Leave a comment

Urban Dictionary Words

Hey. I love words and modern slang and I’m a big fan of Urban Dictionary for their funny definitions. Here’s my first video of some fun slang the kids are using today.

More videos to come soon, subscribe to my YouTube channel under Heidi Ferrer if ya like- I’ll always post them here as well.


~ h

Posted in A Giggle, Video, Vlog | Leave a comment

First Day of Second Grade!

2nd grade 1st day

Bex is seven years old now, in second grade. If you’ve been with me from the beginning of this blog, you’ve watched him grow up from the age of three.

mehta cast

Here he was at age 3 in his green scoliosis Mehta/EDF cast. What a little bay-bee!

They don’t tell you this in the handbook, but leading up to the first day of each new school year creates some nervousness for both the kids and the parents.

Will any of his friends be in his class? Who will his new teacher be? Will he or she “get” him? Love him?

I told myself, no future tripping, Mama, Bexon has his own path, his own good luck, his own God looking out for him.

You can’t control his future with your mind and worrying is a prayer for something you don’t want.

He’ll do great, he’s exceptional, he’ll make new friends, he does every year, who knows, maybe he has something to teach the teacher, too.

Probably all of the kids do, every year, as we all teach each other, even when we don’t realize it, man.

The photo above with me in it is from the very first day of school, around 8:15 in the morning, but we are now a few days into the week and all is well and good and lovely. A great vibe.

Here is my previous post from when my boy was Three. Reading it today, oh my, we have come a long way, baby.

And there is so much more ahead! Onward and growing up.

Both of us, a little bit at a time.


~ H

Posted in Bexon, Family, Fumbling Towards Ecstacy, Mommyhood, Parenthood | Leave a comment

Robin Williams- Rainbow Suspenders


“If he was so sad, why didn’t he call me?”

One of the children in my family asked this when my Dad killed himself.

“Oh honey, he didn’t call anybody.”

“But why didn’t he call me? Why didn’t he call me?”

He couldn’t. Oh, honey, he just couldn’t.

I got to meet Robin Williams once, I was a a young cocktail waitress and aspiring actress and writer in my twenties, working at the chi chi Hotel Bel Air.

Our hotel had one of those throwback, outdated sort of country club rules, that men had to wear a jacket, a blazer, in the lounge.

They had to. No bare arms or short sleeves were allowed, they would be offered a hotel blazer, green with the hotel insignia stitched on the breast pocket, to wear if they wanted to stay.

So one night, Robin Williams came into the lounge with a couple of other people, he was in good spirits and to be clear, I can’t recall if he drank any alcohol at all.

I was simply mortified to have to ask him to wear one of our stinky old, polyester blend hotel jackets that had been worn by countless strangers before him.

My God, he was Mork from my childhood! I was imprinted by him at a young age. My Dad copied his famous Mork rainbow suspenders and wore them for years, all of the time.

I got them when he died, when my Dad shot himself seven years ago, I got the rainbow suspenders.

He looked surprised and a women at his table gave me a look that said, “Are you kidding me? This is Robin Williams!”

But Robin couldn’t have been nicer about it. He smiled, laughed and cracked jokes about covering his furry arm hair (he was well known for having a hairy chest and arms).

This was someone who did a kindness in that moment to me, the little guy, just a waitress. And she never forgot it.

By all accounts, that is the kind of nice, real and genuine person he was to everyone.

This week, the world lost one of our brightest lights in humor and an incredibly gifted artist with an astounding body of work. We are all so lucky to have lived in the same lifetime with him and to have been able to know him, from afar.

We are so lucky and I’m grateful for his life.

Yes, my Dad Lloyd died of suicide by gunshot seven years ago, as many of you know, when my baby Bex was just four months old.

Actually, my father’s mother also died of suicide, a hanging. And my maternal great grandfather died of a suspected suicide, chloroform or ether over his face in the attic.

I am the child of a parent who committed suicide and I’m terribly sorry that Robin’s children have to join that dark club. It’s a tragic legacy.

But this is what I know for sure. The way he died does not and should never define his life. It was a bad depression that he couldn’t see past, he couldn’t see getting out of it, but he would have, eventually. He just didn’t make it out of the tunnel, the pit, this time.

My Dad loved life and had a lot of joy and happiness, the end does not take that away, it does not mean he didn’t loved his family and friends, his children.

It’s not their fault.

I’ve been depressed and I’ve been to some dark places, but I’ve honestly never been to that one, thank God. Fleeting suicidal thoughts are different, I’ve had those.

Planning how you would do it, that is a warning sign.

I’m not depressed now. It does scare me that there is a chemical and genetic component to depression and even suicide and I pray it doesn’t come back.

I have to work at balance and positivity and most of that work is an inside job inside my head and my heart.

I lost my friend Debbie to suicide and one of my first boyfriends, Patrick, killed himself in his forties, he had three daughters. He had reminded me of my Dad.

Robin reminded me of my Dad, too, blue twinkling eyes, an artsy, silly and funny man with dark wavy hair and a beard. My Dad was an actor, a professor, a theatrical, front of the room guy.

I’ve had friends whose privacy I will protect go to a place that sounds like what Robin might’ve felt. To be clear, I know no one can ever know what is inside someone else’s head and I certainly wouldn’t presume to.

What I’m talking about is not feeling any of the love or happiness, none of it, wishing you would not wake up, being in pain or numbness every waking moment, suicidal ideation which means things like imagining how you would kill yourself and ceasing to exist, really believing your kids would be better off without you.

It’s incredibly hard for people to understand who’ve never been depressed and again, I haven’t been to that place I just described, but I can understand how it can happen.

I think sometimes depression is due to circumstances and sometimes it’s just chemical, or a combination of the two.

Debbie got happy in the days before she turned the gas on, with a hose to the tailpipe of her car. I was told it’s because the person’s problem’s in their head are solved, once they’ve made the decision to do it.

I don’t know if Robin went through that phase, maybe not. I just know I want him to be alive right now. I wish my friend, because he felt like a friend to me, to the world, I wish my friend would’ve called me.

But he couldn’t. He just couldn’t.

So I will celebrate his life.


~ Heidi

Need help? Call The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline1-800-273-TALK (8255) anytime, 24/7.

Posted in My Dark Places, RIP, Tribute | 8 Comments

Skinny Chilaquiles!

skinny chilaquiles

If you’ve ever ordered Chilaquiles at a Mexican restaurant or a diner, they tasted delicious, but they were probably super heavy and high in calories.

A lot like greasy egg nachos that left a heavy feeling of bad food regret. Maybe that’s just me…

But hey, sometimes, trying to eat a light and healthy breakfast can feel repetitive and well, boring.

I have a solution.

Here’s my quick and easy recipe for a low calorie and tasty Mexican style meal of Chilaquiles for breakfast- or any time.

Ingredients: (Serves one, double, etc. for more folks.)

1.) I used one whole large organic egg and one egg white. About 100 calories.

2.) Corn tortilla chips or corn tortillas cut into small pieces or strips.

I used five organic yellow corn tortilla chips in my eggs, the regular, not the baked kind. 50 calories.

3.) Cheese of your choice, this time I used a thin slice of regular mild cheddar, at 50 calories.

A shredded cheese would be great for melting, like jack, a Mexican blend, or go with reduced fat shredded cheddar cheese, if you prefer.

4.) One teaspoon of real salted butter (I used butter myself, 35 calories) or olive oil or cooking spray.

Note: You can make these with just those four ingredients, everything else is seasoning and optional garnish.

5.) Hot sauce of your choice, I used Cholula.

6.) Avocado, I used three slices, about 75-100 calories. Or use some guacamole instead.

7.) Salsa of your choice, I prefer the fresh kind from the refrigerated section of the store.

8.) Chopped green onion or fresh cilantro.

9.) Non fat plain Greek yogurt or low fat sour cream.

10.) Lime for squeezing.

11.) I add a dash of garlic powder to my raw eggs before scrambling them. Or just salt and pepper to taste.


Just melt the butter or heat the oil in a non stick frying pan, spread around, and carefully lay the 5 or more corn chips or tortilla strips on top of it.

Pour or crack the eggs on top of the chips or strips in the pan.

Cook the eggs as you like them done, I lightly scrambled mine with a dash of garlic powder, but you can also do over easy eggs, or sunny side up, etc.

Flip or scramble your eggs just as you normally would. (If you’re not worried about how it looks, you can even crush the chips up in it and mix in the cheese, go crazy.)

I left the chips whole and flipped mine over with a spatula in one piece.

Add your cheese near the end of cooking to melt it, sometimes I put the lid on for this, and remove to a plate.

Simply add your hot sauce, seasonings and garnishes and that’s it!

Calories: With five tortilla chips, this is about 350 calories (including the avocado, salsa, yogurt, hot sauce, green onion, lime, etc…).

I added a few more tortilla chips on the side in my photo above- at 10 calories a chip, that brings it to around 380, or less than 400 calories for the whole plate.


Enjoy and “Like” Skinny Mama Meals on Facebook for more recipes and weight loss inspiration.


~ Heidi

Posted in Recipe, Skinny Mama Meals | Leave a comment

Are You An Introvert?

Hey, I recently learned that I’m actually an introvert, to my surprise.

Sometimes I’m a very extroverted introvert and few people would describe me as shy in person, but I am the type who gets plum worn out from a lot of socializing or having house guests…

(Because I feel like I need to be “on” the whole time), and I screen all my calls- I never answer the phone if I don’t know who it is.

I’m an introvert who puts herself out there online for thousands of people, sure, but hey, I’m alone when I’m doing it.

I also enjoy doing other things alone, like shopping alone, going to the movies by myself and reading.

I guess an introvert can be the kind of person who danced on a bar while swinging their bra like a lasso (not me recently, ha ha) and still be an introvert who feels social anxiety, even among a group of close friends. Weird.

Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Or both?

More videos to come soon. :-)


~ Heidi

Posted in Fumbling Towards Ecstacy, Video, Vlog | Leave a comment

Zoo To You!

bald eagle

I took these pictures of majestic birds and more at Zoo To You, an awesome nonprofit animal rescue educational center.

We drove an hour out of our way on our road trip from San Jose to Los Angeles to visit this place in Paso Robles, California.

porcupine face

It did not disappoint. That is not a zoom lens I used for that bald eagle pic above, I used only my cell phone camera.

We were able to get up much closer to the animals than you do at a normal zoo.

Who knew a porcupine had such a cute face?

porcupine quill

It would not be lovely to be stabbed by that quill, man. Porcupines have no natural predators.

They also take some of their animals on the road to educate about conservation, to schools, etc.

We learned about Zoo to You from one of Bexon’s fav animal shows he watches with Jack Hanna (Jack Hanna’s Into the Wild.)

It’s only ten dollars suggested donation for a practically private tour, 3pm every Saturday and Sunday. It’s for a great cause.

zoo to you sign

I’m sort of embarrassed to admit they had a rare Peregrine Falcon, the fastest animal in the world, and I forgot to take a picture of it. They can travel over 240 miles per hour, faster than a cheetah runs!

The Peregrine Falcon is extremely endangered, so please look out for those guys. They smack their prey right in the air and knock ‘em out of the sky, and there’s dinner.

zoo to you cockatoo

You just show up for the tour and in our case, there was only one other family there. This cute young woman named Shannon made us feel special.

I promise that Bexon is not giving you the Italian arm move for eff you or up yours here in the pic above, haha.


This is a Cockatoo, which is a pretty funny name, if you think about it. *Snicker*

I’m so sorry.

This cockatoo is who I want my self esteem Spirit Animal to be. Wait for it… Continue reading

Posted in A Very Worthy Cause, Animals, Wild Animals | Leave a comment