Oh, Barbie girl. You know I love you. We go way back…
I’m over that time in my early 20′s when I thought you betrayed my new found feminism with your impossible body proportions, I’m over that. Now I’m all about nostalgia.
I embrace your nippleless boobs and ridiculous waist size. But girrrrl, who the hay-ell is doing your fashion?
A “Let’s Get Physical” 80′s meets 70′s woven hippie headband mixed with lace accents on stripes? A plastic brown belt with a sparkly tulle mini skirt? Really? The gays are rolling over in their…well, they are just rolling…with laughter, probably.
This second one is a little better, but tulle accents mixed with satin mixed with glitter is girly taken wayyyyy too far. And that jewelry is overdone and very heavy for this look.
This dress screams “streetwalker” more than CEO to me, you?
What is happening with this necklace? It’s too big, too messy, it’s monster jewelry dripping with tacky. It looks like a Kraken attacking her bosom.
And her skirt’s so short, I can see Christmas.
This next look…AHHH! What is this neckline, “Dynasty” Nolan Miller meets Micheal Jackson pants? The hair, can we talk about the loud hot pink hair streak? Let’s not.
Take a gander at “Fashionista Ken.” Where shall I begin?
The hairline that looks like plugs, as if Ken’s a member of Hair Club for Men? The way the bangs stick up straight like he’s Cameron Diaz in “There’s Something About Mary”?
The boring not fashion-forward outfit and awkward high water rolled pants? Let’s move on.
Just look at this next Ken’s haircut and I think we can share a moment of silence. He was probably attacked by a bear riding an electric lawnmower.
Lastly, check out President Barbie! Now THIS is what I’m talkin’ about!
I chose to go with a little diversity, but she comes in blonde hair, too- I love the Barbies that show little girls aspirational careers they can dream of pursuing someday.
Barbie and Ken, I expect bigger things from you, get your shizz together. Hire a gay stylist. Muah!