Yesterday me and Humphrey Bogart Kitty were minding our own business…
Putting flowers in eac
h other’s fur hair, painting each other’s nails…
And eating our snacks. We do enjoy our snacks.
When what to our wondering eyes should appear but Nutz my wild yard squirrel, AKA leader of the Squirrel Mafia Worldwide!
This is Nutz peering through the back screen door, making threats. “I’ll jump on your face in the dark of night, I’ll rip out all of your hair and make you look like you have alopecia,” the usual smack talk.
So I flung a piece of wheat bread outside to appease the little dangerous forest critter.
OOPS- ACK- standoff!
As I’ve mentioned before, Nutz is a mastermind except for maybe in one wee area…
And that would be his own personal welfare and safety. Nutz is a few sandwiches short of a picnic. And he probably shouldn’t have started in with the “Yo Momma” smack to Humph:
“Yo Momma’s so dumb that she put lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind.”
“Yo Momma’s so dumb she took an umbrella to see Purple Rain.”
“Yo Momma’s so dumb she thinks a quarterback is a refund!”
“Yo Momma’s so dumb she thought Wu Tang was an African orange drink.”
“Yo Momma’s so dumb she hears it’s chilly outside so she gets a bowl.”
I really wish Nutz wouldn’t resort to crass insult jokes.
Here Humph is just toying with him. I personally don’t cotton to having squirrel guts strewn around my back lawn. It’s just not pleasing to the eye.
Now Humph is on the hunt to make a squirrel pie. Or squirrel Frito pie. Or squirrel nachos. Or linguini with squirrel sauce…
Nutz has already inhaled his slice of bread and thinks he’s safe up in the tree. Sigh.
Not! Humph gloats after scaring him off with his fluffy tail between his legs.
No squirrely blood was shed…this time. But this is not the end.
I sure do hope Nutz doesn’t get shredded. Beyond the aesthetic and the landscaping issue for my yard, I would feel bad about it. We’d have to hold a funeral and I don’t even know what religion Nutz is.
If it happens I hope Nutz has time to get his affairs in order, lay out his burial clothes, etc.
I think blue is his color, don’t you?
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